Home Is Where The Art Is.  The Private World of a Public Face
'The Joan Collins Fan Club featuring Fanny the Wonderdog'

"I am sure the neighbours wonder what's going on.  People in the office over there," Julian says, pointing out of the window, "watch my every move.  They can see that I don't get up until lunchtime and that I sometimes put loads of make-up on.  But they're just very nosey, they've got nothing better to do.  There is a man in one window who has a swivel chair, and he spends the whole time going round and round, watching me as he passes."

Pretty annoying, huh? But then again, Julian is a pretty interesting bloke.  He, together with Fanny, are one of the most popular 'alternative' cabaret acts at the moment, and if you haven't caught them on tour, you may well have seen them perform on 'Friday Night Live'.  Julian - tall, heavily made-up, very camp, very bitchy - throws wonderfully delivered insults at the audience, while Fanny - small, brown, very attentive and doggishly talented - catches chocolate drops and does impressions.

Julian has lived in his flat for nigh on three years.  Though it is very small, consisting of a kitchen, bathroom and living room cum bedroom, it is also very neat and colourful.  The living room wall is splattered with pictures, JCFC posters, and his City Limits magazine award for best cabaret act, while the floor plays host to a multi coloured rug.  The living room and bedroom are divided by a partitioning wall, and Fanny's little home - her basket - sits forlornly by it, surrounded by toys, including a Mrs Thatcher squeaky chew.  So is Fanny a good flatmate, then?  
"Oh yes, except when she's moulting and everything gets covered in dog hairs.  I find that PVC is about the only material which doesn't pick them up.  She's going all grey now, 'cause she's eight years old.  Fanny's at her peak at the moment, but I think I will have to think about her retirement!"  
Where does she sleep?  
"In bed with me, just resting on my shoulder."  
They certainly make a lovely couple, but it's obvious who wears the trousers, as this is when the chocolate biscuits come out.  Fanny, obviously desperate for a nibble, stares hard at the packet, but Julian sends her off to bed.  She creeps along, after doing her "wind tunnel Impression" (ears back, head forward).

Looking carefully around Julian's flat, it is possible to discover, scattered around, a collection of ducks.  Of all sorts.  Flying ducks on the wall, plastic ducks in the bathroom, china ducks and a lamp in the shape of a duck, amongst other things.  "I went through a duck phase, though I'm over it now," Julian assures me.  "I used to have this theory that I was a duck in a former life.  There are lots of little black  and white ducks in St James's Park and I decided that I had been one of those."  
Any particular reason why? 
"No, it's just one of those things you think when you are young and silly.  I do like ducks, though. They are sort of sociable, clean animals .  I've put many of them away though, 'cause I thought I'd get irritated by my own affectations."

So apart from the ducks, it's just Julian and Fanny.  Do you rehearse much?  
"I don't really rehearse.  I sometimes mentally do, but I don't actually stand up and proclaim things.  I am very neighbour conscious."  
Where's the best place for writing your material?  
"The bath and the bed are constant sources of inspiration.  The best time for ideas is just as I'm about to fall asleep.  I have a tape recorder by my bed, and I wait till I have filled a side of tape.  Then I listen to see what kind of rubbish is on it!  There are usually a couple of things I can use."

The best thing to be heard at the moment out of Julian's tape recorder, is his debut single, a fab version of 'Leader of the Pack', done in true JCFC style - camp as hell!  Julian hopes it will either be followed up with 'You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman' or a Status Quo-type stomper, and there's a likelihood of an album.  

Lastly Julian, what do you dislike about the flat?
"It's a bit small.  I'd like to have a seperate bedroom to flounce off into in a theatrical tantrum."

Do you have a lot of those?
"Not as many as I'd like!"

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